A different kind of post - Losing my dad and cooking

My dad passed away a couple weeks ago.  So with a broken heart, I hopped on a plane and left Angola and headed for my parents home in Florida.  I stayed with my mom for two weeks and I did most of the cooking during that time.  The cooking was sad and therapeutic and necessary.  Every time I cooked, I just kept thinking that if I turned around quickly enough, my dad would be there - sitting on his bar stool, watching me work.  My dad loved to cook and eat.  We could (and frequently did) talk about cooking for hours.  I loved coming home for a visit and cooking a meal that pleased my dad.  He was an amazing cook, so the food had to be top notch to get a nod of approval from him.  He has frequently said that he wouldn't return to a certain restaurant because he could do a much better job at home. And he was right.

So, as I mourned my father and tried to get through each moment of sadness, I cooked for my mom. And my dad.  As I tasted the food and adjusted the seasonings, I imagined my dad and what he would think of my meals.  I imagined his smile and look of approval as I cooked for my mom during this terrible time.  I could almost see the smile reach his eyes as he nodded and told me what a great meal I'd made and what a good daughter I was being by taking care of my mom.  

My heart aches knowing that I will never see my dad again on this earth.  I won't have anymore conversations with him about food and cooking.  I won't be able to ask his opinion on cooking techniques or ingredients.  I won't be able to taste his delicious cooking, nor he mine. Don't get me wrong, there are lots of other things that I will miss about my dad but cooking was something special that we shared.  And the hole left in my heart by his absence will never be filled.

Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, 
and let perpetual light shine upon him. 
May he rest in peace.